Music in the Night

My whole life I've been used to seeing.

Taking it all in. Making sense of it.

Categorizing. Analyzing.

Looking for hidden things.

Connecting things in patterns.

My mind has well-worn byways the thoughts travel down.

My eyes see. I recognize things, people, patterns.

Yet this last few months I've been thrown into the dark.

All the familiar things I'm used to seeing around me are questioned

as I reach out to feel them and find them changed.

or find in my lack of seeing a need to change.

Darkness still surrounds me.

The more I squint into the blackness, the darker it becomes.

This throws my world into chaos.

I cannot order it.

I cannot make sense of it.

I cannot control it.

I've been trying to rest in this dark place.

to be still. to feel. to expect surprise and not with dread.

and as I sit and try to connect to my heart and not my eyes.

I become aware.

of a beauty that swells and dips. that clangs and soothes.

I hear the strains that I can't make sense of or control.

I hear the music in the night.

my own soul.